hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
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