I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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