This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
Randomize
