Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
