She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Randomize