This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
im having a threesome with these popsicles
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
