what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Randomize
