i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
