Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
