i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
