Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
