My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
