I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
