i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
