why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
Randomize
