It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
