i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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