that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
