Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
