wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
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