there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
