New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize