fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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