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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
