a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
