i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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