Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
