i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
