i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
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