Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
