Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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