I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Alive.
So much puke
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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