one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
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