..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
