That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I am naked and annoyed.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
