What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
