Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
