He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
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