Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
