I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
This is the high leading the old right now
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
