watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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