And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
