3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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