he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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