i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I looked at my own cervix.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
