He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
