Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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