dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
