I'm jealous of your bromance
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
