Texts From Last Night

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  (435): View more from Utah

  Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.

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  (435): Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage. http://tfl.nu/k0ri
  Replies (5) Good night (1950) Bad night (795)
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  (210): View more from Texas

  remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity

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  (210): remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity http://tfl.nu/9sni
  Replies (20) Good night (1009) Bad night (5261)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.

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  (660): We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend. http://tfl.nu/9y0s
  Replies (31) Good night (6221) Bad night (838)
• Favorite

  (214): View more from Texas

  did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?

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  (214): did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night? http://tfl.nu/w8rd
  Replies (9) Good night (3953) Bad night (973)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'

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  (248): my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you' http://tfl.nu/ael6
  Replies (25) Good night (2863) Bad night (5771)
• Favorite

  (315): View more from New York

  Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.

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  (315): Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30. http://tfl.nu/jue0
  Replies (4) Good night (2586) Bad night (1392)
• Favorite

  (903): View more from Texas

  Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?

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  (903): Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ? http://tfl.nu/d8rt
  Replies (28) Good night (4572) Bad night (935)
• Favorite

  (812): View more from Indiana

  I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.

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  (812): I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon. http://tfl.nu/la4i
  Replies (10) Good night (1074) Bad night (519)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  "Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.

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  (913): "Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol. http://tfl.nu/3cka
  Replies (6) Good night (1332) Bad night (549)
• Favorite

  (206): View more from Washington

  You have to summon your inner elephant

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  (206): You have to summon your inner elephant http://tfl.nu/wpzr
  Replies (2) Good night (1048) Bad night (507)
• Favorite

  (830): View more from Texas

  A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.

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  (830): A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work. http://tfl.nu/eqs6
  Replies (2) Good night (819) Bad night (429)
• Favorite

  (660): View more from Missouri

  The feeling are messing with the penis

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  (660): The feeling are messing with the penis http://tfl.nu/t2zd
  Replies (3) Good night (411) Bad night (731)
• Favorite

  (203): View more from Connecticut

  If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.

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  (203): If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that. http://tfl.nu/gaz3
  Replies (1) Good night (730) Bad night (354)
• Favorite

  (803): View more from South Carolina

  My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."

  (1-803): View more from South Carolina

  Did you win?

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  (803): My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game." (1-803): Did you win? http://tfl.nu/8s69
  Replies (10) Good night (2458) Bad night (482)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.

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  (740): Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too. http://tfl.nu/qmru
  Replies (4) Good night (882) Bad night (360)

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