Texts From Last Night

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  (415): View more from California

  Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund

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  (415): Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund http://tfl.nu/nij6
  Replies (12) Good night (696) Bad night (2037)
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  (512): View more from Texas

  Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.

  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.

  (512): View more from Texas

  Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.

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  (512): Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me. (405): I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me. (512): Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked. http://tfl.nu/bn4w
  Replies (64) Good night (2692) Bad night (773)
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  (907): View more from Alaska

  I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.

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  (907): I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are. http://tfl.nu/tm8o
  Replies (36) Good night (3595) Bad night (916)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for

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  (440): Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for http://tfl.nu/xrwv
  Replies (12) Good night (4671) Bad night (532)
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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.

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  (610): we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk. http://tfl.nu/7jhm
  Replies (10) Good night (4734) Bad night (504)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.

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  (484): her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird. http://tfl.nu/16ps
  Replies (15) Good night (4316) Bad night (1198)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.

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  (405): I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven. http://tfl.nu/4vzm
  Replies (8) Good night (2888) Bad night (687)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel

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  (847): If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel http://tfl.nu/o4xc
  Replies (6) Good night (2495) Bad night (600)
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  (405): View more from Oklahoma

  please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...

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  (405): please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin... http://tfl.nu/m01o
  Replies (2) Good night (551) Bad night (1914)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".

  (1-503): View more from Oregon

  That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.

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  (503): Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy". (1-503): That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby. http://tfl.nu/9w8t
  Replies (4) Good night (933) Bad night (376)
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  (814): View more from Pennsylvania

  I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?

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  (814): I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today? http://tfl.nu/mxod
  Replies (5) Good night (1284) Bad night (433)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point

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  (828): At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point http://tfl.nu/0f47
  Replies (3) Good night (680) Bad night (389)
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  (603): View more from New Hampshire

  Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.

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  (603): Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up. http://tfl.nu/6dgm
  Replies (2) Good night (745) Bad night (682)
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  (269): View more from Michigan

  I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.

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  (269): I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate. http://tfl.nu/t9iz
  Replies (2) Good night (305) Bad night (591)
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  (206): View more from Washington

  He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.

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  (206): He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me. http://tfl.nu/fq3w
  Replies (13) Good night (351) Bad night (886)

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