Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
These People Had Regrettable One Night Stands
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
This Girl Makes Latte Art That’s Too Cute to Drink
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!