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• (630): View more from Illinois

  is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?

  (815): View more from Illinois

  that's gum

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• (516): View more from New York

  she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".

  (917): View more from New York City

  I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.

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• (732): View more from New Jersey

  I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches

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• (250): View more from British Columbia

  I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.

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• 

  Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (864): View more from South Carolina

  I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.

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• (647): View more from Ontario

  I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.

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• (816): View more from Missouri

  He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.

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• (269): View more from Michigan

  No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.

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• 

  21 Rideshare Drivers Had to Drive These NSFW Passengers

  Read it at the TFLN blog
  

• (320): View more from Minnesota

  I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol

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• (225): View more from Louisiana

  What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...

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• (209): View more from California

  Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.

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• (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Two dicks, one me.

  (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Yoga's definitely paying off.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here

  (702): View more from Nevada

  Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.

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