Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
