Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
