Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Randomize
