Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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