Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
