I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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