Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Boobs speak an international language.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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