The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
