Where are you?
In a non slutty way
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
