I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
This toilet bowl is my home.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Two words: nipple clamps
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