I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
