he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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