I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
