He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
