the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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