Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
