The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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