Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
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