you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
