dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
