Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Pants 0. Shit 1.
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I love having hate sex.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
