so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
