Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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