no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Randomize
