So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
