I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
